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Thứ Tư, 12 tháng 10, 2016

Humorous Stories About Love And Marriage

Wedding Jokes


The Story Behind LADIES FIRST

Here is the story behind 'Ladies First.' It's really an interesting story though I don't know whether it's true or not.

Long time ago, a man and a woman were madly in love.

They wanted to marry, but parents didn’t approve.

So they decided to suicide together, and planned to jump from a mountain.

The man could not bear to see his Sweet Heart Fall, so he convinced her that he will jump first, and he jumped.

But the girl never jumped.

Thereafter all men decided to say…..

“LADIES FIRST” :D

Wedding Jokes


Rules that Girls Wish Guys Knew
1. We may be emotional beings, but do not lie to We may be emotional beings, but do not lie to squirm your way out of trouble. We are not as gullible as you think.
2. We really don't find it attractive when you stand there stratching yourself in the morning, afternoon or night- please do it in private.
3. Don't fix it if it's really not broke. You don't need to take everything apart out of curiosity.
4. Ask for directions
5. If you said you are going to be somewhere at a certain time, then do it. Don't expect us to wait around.

Wedding Jokes

Rules that Guys Wish Girls Knew
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.
3. Birthdays, Valentines and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present once again.
4. Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
5. If you think you're fat, you may be. Don't ask us. (besides, we're not suicidal enough to answer anything other than "no" anyway)
6. Sunday Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. It can't be altered so just let be. 

Wedding Jokes

A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom's tuxedo.

Practical Jokes Wedding Jokes


Who's The Boss?
A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town.

To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.

He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss around here?" he asked.

"I am." said the man.

"I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?"

The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one."

Wedding Jokes

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. "How would you like it if you didn``t see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."  read more »

Thứ Hai, 3 tháng 10, 2016

Short funny story about love of all the time

Short funny story about love of all the time




Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don’t have eyes.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

Born free, taxed to death.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

What is faster Hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What’s the difference between a paycheck and a pen*s? You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company…

Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

I just let my mind wander, and it didn’t come back.

IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you have got.

I can handle pain until it hurts.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.

You cannot taste me, until you undress me. 
-Banana

You cannot eat me unless you lick me. 
-Ice-cream

You cannot play with me unless you blow me. 
-Balloon

You cannot eat me unless you spread me. 
-Butter

Do not argue with an idiot. 
He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

 

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