No Luck With The Ladies Jokes--Funny Story Of The Day

No Luck With The Ladies 

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed, "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this." 

"What's the problem?" the doctor inquired. "Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. 

No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away." "My friend, this is not a serious problem. 

You just need to work on your self-esteem. 

Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. 

Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. 

Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you." 

The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. 

Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face. 

"Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor. "It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women." 

"So, what's your problem?" 

"I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does." 

Wedding Jokes--Funny Story

Wedding 

Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!). Marriage is a 3-ring circus - engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering. 

Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers? 

A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time! The definition of a perfect Wife? - one who helps the husband with the dishes... 

Q: Why do brides wear white? 

A: To blend in with everything else in the kitchen. One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted". 

Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." 

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? 

- Well, it's the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving Marriage 

- an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters. 

Journalist Jokes--Jokes For The Day

Journalist 

Q: What do you get if you cross a sports reporter with a vegetable ? 

A: A common tater ! 

Q: How many journalists does it take to change a light bulb? 

A: "We just report the facts, we don't change them." 

Q: How many editors does it take to change a lightbulb? 

A: It was supposed to be in place last week! 

Q: What do you get if you cross a newsreader and a toad ? 

A: A croaksman! 

Q: Who do you think was sent to cover the story of the baby lion born in the zoo? 

A: A cub reporter. 

Q: What do you get if you cross a ghost and a newsreader? 

A: A spooksman! 

Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? --Funny Story Fun

Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? 

<> "The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." 

<> "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." 

<> "So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" 

<> "Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?" 

<> "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." 

<> "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?" 

<> "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." 

<> "Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid." <> "In God we trust, all others are suspects." 

<> "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

 

<> "Just how big were those two beers?