Short funny story about love of all the time
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don’t have eyes.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
Born free, taxed to death.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
What is faster Hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.
What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What’s the difference between a paycheck and a pen*s? You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company…
Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
I just let my mind wander, and it didn’t come back.
IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you have got.
I can handle pain until it hurts.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
You cannot taste me, until you undress me.
-Banana
You cannot eat me unless you lick me.
-Ice-cream
You cannot play with me unless you blow me.
-Balloon
You cannot eat me unless you spread me.
-Butter
Do not argue with an idiot.
He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
